It's been a bit since my last real upload. I wasn't sure how I'd feel after this one. Now that it's out though, I'm reminded of what it's like. 

Often the week or two after a big project like this, for me, feels somewhat like a hangover. Low energy. Tension headaches. Low-key depression. Brain fog. An inability to really watch the video myself. 

As of now, the video is still 1 of 10, with Getsu Fuuma Den and Rygar close behind. I expect Rygar will pass it soon. Just like with my last few uploads, there was no "second wind". At my size, YouTube is usually quick to alert all your primary viewers to the presence of a new video. After that initial bump though, it's a waiting game to see if it actually gets pushed or not. 

This one did not.

And honestly, that's okay. And expected. 

While this may sound like copium: I want to make videos that are special to me and that people want to watch. Videos that people can get a lot out of. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm after views. I want them, don't get me wrong, but the video itself is more important to me than the views if that makes sense. 

I was prepared this time. And before even posting, I had already made significant progress on the next video in an attempt to publish more this year. I believe an increase in output is the key for me since the content I make doesn't have much virality. 

The event of the video releasing, itself, was awesome. A huge outpour of support and positivity. Even recognition from some YouTubing legends like Egoraptor, The Completionist, and DYKG. It was really awesome to see, and honestly more than I had hoped for.

So then why do I still have that hangover-like feeling?

I think it is ultimately the months-long buildup. All of the work and stress and pain behind the scenes. 

This may help paint a picture: An unaired segment on Waiting for Nintendo. 

About a week after this was recorded, I found myself driving to get medical attention once more. Again, concerned something was wrong with my heart. 

The way I was working and the different responsibilities I had were contributing to an increase in health anxiety that was manifesting in a very physical way. It's something that has improved since then, but that I'm still wrestling with. 

I've come so far with my channel over the years, but I'm still far from where I long to be. I don't make this post to complain. Mostly just to document how it feels to be here. It's such a potent mixture of hope and longing and gratitude and doubt and will. 

So much happened in my life between Doki Doki Panic and Simon's Quest. Jobs, projects, podcasts, events, trips, sicknesses, triumphs. So much. 

I'm going to continue doing my best to bring my dreams and goals into reality. Hopefully more effectively and more timely than I did in 2025 moving forward. 

I'm thankful for everyone who watched it. I'm thankful to be alive. I'm thankful for my loving family. For Sakeena and Otto. ❤ I couldn't do it without them.

While I feel tired and drained in this moment, I'm excited for what this year may have in store. And I'm already working to bring the next video out. Hopefully, before the end of this month. Changes are coming for my channel! It's been a long time coming.