You could say all the fighting took its toll. I've been quite scatterbrained lately. 

I've found it difficult to focus, difficult to plan, and where the way forward is typically clear for me after finishing a project like this -- I've been struggling to ascertain exactly what it is I ought to be doing next.

I've been wanting to make another post on here for a while. Since completing this site, I've hardly used it, which is sad. But I'm here now and so I just want to get a few things off my chest. Think of it as a "public" (no one will see this) brain dump.

So, it's been a little over a month since Urban Champion was published. In truth, that video feels like it's in the distant past, which is a little odd because these things typically stick with me longer. Perhaps since I expended less energy towards its creation, it takes a lesser toll. But while it hasn't really been on my mind at all, I think I should talk about it a little. A little closure for myself, and a little analysis about what it means. 

Firstly, it's the top performing video on my channel of all time. No video I've ever made has come close to this numbers-wise in this timeframe. As I'm writing this, Urban Champion is sitting at about 28,600 views, with my second most successful video (out the gate) Rygar at 15,300 views in the same period of time. 

It's got over 2,100 likes, and 640 comments. I was happy it continued to get views for a few weeks more than my videos tend to. I was also really humbled by all the awesome shoutouts I got when I posted it. I didn't expect that level of support from the spinoff series, though, I don't expect it for the next few episodes of "Minus World".

Already, I'm a bit concerned I set the bar a little high for what was supposed to be a spinoff that would allow me to publish more. Currently, for the planned second episode of Minus World, there is no epic storyline to follow. No big challenge to overcome. No new insight. It's the least strongly I've felt about a game since maybe 3D WorldRunner. 

I'll just spoil it, it's Mach Rider. 

I've been advised to skip it, but since it's relevant to the story of how Minus World came to be, I don't want to. It was originally going to be the first one, but I became unexpectedly obsessed with Urban Champion. 

The thing about trying to publish more is that when I look at the videos tab, I want to retain that feeling that I'm generally happy with how each video came out. I'm not sure if I'll be able to feel that way once more videos start dropping. I'm not sure if my channel will lose its "secret sauce" if it even has one. 

I mentioned at the beginning of this post I've been scatterbrained. 

Part of that is the uncertainty I have to pick exactly which project I need to fully commit to next, and the other part is just how busy I've been. Waiting For Nintendo with its increasing popularity has been taking more time from me than it used to. I don't hate that, but I have such a limited window as it is to work on things. I love my family, and I always make time for them. That's what I want and it's how it should be. I still have my full-time job that I need to make sure I keep. No worries currently on that front, but it also takes time. Doing a daily podcast has now become another responsibility. My feelings on it are swingy, but it's kind of like a part time job for me now. In terms of ad revenue, it brings in more than the HPRshredder channel. I kind of depend on it to help with my own bottom line. 

Looking inward, the personal projects that actually matter to me are the channel and what I've got coming in the pipeline for that, and the game I want to make. As well as the distant dream of starting a non-profit farming venture. 

I really ought to try and communicate or just express some thoughts here more often. That's what this space is supposed to be for. I think it can help me clear my head. 

Here's what I'm trying to get sorted out right now:

• Mach Rider (minus world)
• ASCII Stick (considering a smaller standalone video on it vs. the NES Advantage)
• Doshin the Giant (completed the GCN version and working on the N64, thinking about doing a video)
• How TotK ruined BotW's best machanic (script is mostly done, need some more footage)
• Gradius (minus world leading into the next Retro Odyssey)
• Salamander (the next proper RO)
• [top secret] - (longer project going in the background that will be multiple hours long)

I've got more Retro Odysseys obviously, and about 6 more retro famicom titles lined up beyond that for Minus World. But that's what I'm currently looking at. 

Right now, I'm thinking the ordering might go this way:

Mach Rider -> ASCII -> Botw/Totk -> Gradius -> Salamander -> Doshin

I got more footage for Mach Rider. I'm going to probably be working on the script after this. But in truth, I feel behind. Sometimes being behind, weirdly, makes it harder to start. Having to build back that snowball to get it rolling again.

I think just writing it all out helps. 

I hope I can make these videos worthwhile. Retro Odyssey is something that takes me forever, but I'm at least comfortable with the format and generally confident I can mold it into something meaningful so long as I put in the work. Some of these other videos, I have doubts. 

Then there's also the game. The game I really need to be dedicating a little bit of time toward developing every day. 

The thing is, outside of planning, simply thinking about what it is I should be doing only really serves to stress me out. So, it's only productive to a point. 

This goes beyond just YouTube though, I'm just so tired. It's almost August and it still feels like I haven't processed the April move yet. 

Processing takes me time. With games, and with life. I think sometimes that lack of time to process accumulates over time as anxiety. And that anxiety clouds the mind and makes it harder to focus. 

Hell, I never even processed the second job at Jimmy Johns I had for half of last year just to get by. It's as if it didn't even happen. Life's just been moving so fast lately. 

So, what do you do when you need to pick up the pace, but you also need to slow down? I guess that's what I'm working on right now. 

Thinking out loud; I'm thinking I need to plan more effectively, stick to that plan steadfastly, and carve out more consistent blocks for rest. That's what I'll work on right now, in fact. Time to get out the planner. 

Thanks for reading. 💌

banner image for this post taken from here.